yup, this ain't kansas.

summer's end totally took me by surprise. it's funny how summer never really gets the chance to run it's course. every other season is allowed to last as long as it wants, but we always cut summer off with school and work. how lame of us. poor summer.

i am so ok with this though because I LOVE FALL. i can't get enough. leaves crunching under boot-clad feet, sweaters, pumpkins, halloween (candy), cider, hayrides...obviously fall wins. (side note: 12 days until the return of the pumpkin spice latte)

this is the first fall  in 17 years that i'm not going back to school. at least not as a student. i am relieved to be done with the homework, but i am grateful for this opportunity to work with college students and get to spend at least one more year on a college campus.

i love college campuses. they are like little towns that have everything you need, except almost everyone is the same age and trying to figure the whole entire rest of their lives. i have spent the past three days on Akron's campus and let me tell you, i am starting to fall in love with it. Monday after our staff meeting, i was walking back to my car and just praying a prayer of thanks to God for bringing me into ministry at Akron, but also asking God to really harbor in me a love for the campus and the people in it.

That being said, i did not expect to miss Kent this much...but I do. i loved that school. And to think, i never wanted to go there. Kent has my heart. In my four years there God transformed my heart and i will never forget how he used my time at the school to really shape me. Besides that, i love the people, i love the Navs, i loved my classes, i love(d) my professors...i even grew to love that stupid brain statue. Kent is home.

So naturally, i feel a little out of my element, but no fear! i am good with change. With great joy in my heart, i am witnessed God do amazing things with the navigators at Kent. The amazing staff there now numbers, i believe, 11 or 12 (!) with the addition of a couple from Miami and 4 of my dear friends who graduated with me. i would be lying if i said it was easy leaving them, but, for whatever reason, Akron was unmistakably placed in my heart and i am so excited to see what God does through our team this year.

i definitely feel out of my element. i have already been mistaken for a freshman more than once and I'm still getting to know my team. i am happy to say though, we are quickly bonding and i really admire their hearts in spreading the gospel through building relationships on this campus. i am also really thankful for the people at The Chapel and Campus Focus who are excited for us and helping us to get started. What a blessing to see ministries working together!

If you could, please be praying for favor for our team. We are not an official student organization right now which makes it harder to make our presence known. It is exciting working from the ground up, but definitely not easy, so please be praying that we gain official standing on campus, and also that we would have the strength and joy to persevere in out calling. And of course, be praying for the students we encounter, that they will come to know the love of Christ and grower deeper in their relationships with him.

"are we there yet?"

A father and daughter are on a journey; some sort of long, undefined road trip. This road is not like other roads. It swirls, it bends, some parts are smooth while other parts are rocky and bumpy. The father is sure and steady. He maneuvers the tricky turns perfectly. He drives through the rocks as if the ground were completely level. There is no GPS on the dash...he knows exactly where he's going. The little girl starts off excitedly chatting with her father, ready for the long journey ahead, but soon she grows distracted. the scenery excites her. She wonders why they can't just stop where they are. All the towns they pass seem perfectly livable. Her father encourages her to take time during the trip to rest and she find that the trip is much more enjoyable when she follows his direction. The journey continues as such...as series of ups and downs and all the while the father is loving and patient. Some days are better than others. Some days the daughter is lively and really enjoying sharing this trip with her father, other days all she wants to do is lay down and cry. But the whole time she can't help but wonder, "are we there yet?"

So, maybe a little cheesy, but this is the illustration that flooded my mind tonight. If the father is God and the daughter is me, this picture describes my summer almost perfectly. (if not my whole life)

I would probably describe myself as a spontaneous person. I like to go with the flow. I can handle a minor change in the plan...or maybe i just like to think i can. Because now here I am hearing my planner say one thing and God say another, and I would be lying if I said is didn't stress me out a little bit.

August 19th I am to report to campus, meaning I should be 75% funded and ready to get this ministry started and work with students. Let me do some easy math for you: that is 11 days from now. I am not 75% funded. Nor am I close. 

Earlier this evening I was preparing to make phone calls to set up appointments and check back with possible supporters. I had been fine all day, but the time to make calls was drawing closer and I became instantly sick to my stomach at the thought of having to pick up the phone. (Funding calls are hard. I don't know what it is exactly, but I have found calling people to be the hardest part of fundraising.) Before I could catch myself I heard myself pray silently, "Lord, let me stop. I'm worn out. Please don't make me call anyone tonight." 

The rest of the night was tough and I ended up cutting my phone call time short. It was on the drive home that this illustration came to me suddenly. I recall vacations from when I was young. My parents, in the front, excited to take us somewhere wonderful, and us kids in the back whining "are we there yet???" and wishing we could stop at all the places we see along the road, even though we know the end result is so much better. 

And now, I think of my tired heart and how badly it needs rest. In fact, my silent outburst tonight was a desperate cry for it. I am reminded of the danger of making quiet time a duty rather than taking time to really be with God, to dwell in Him and really let Him speak into your heart. Yes, I need more of that.

But, I also just needed a moment to reevaluate and find contentment where I am.

Some of my EDGE brothers and sisters are between 75 and 100% funded and I rejoice with them, but with those who, like me, are not there yet I also rejoice. Because we're just not "there" yet and that's ok. As long as God is in control, we can be sure that He has us where He wants, where our hearts can grow, and where we can bring Him the most glory.

And when I think about that, I am filled with peace.

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and the earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.  From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact place they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him, though he is not far form each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'" - Acts 17:24-28

for (re)starters

*originally posted july 24, 2012

To try to cover the past month or two would take pages...let alone starting from the beginning of this new journey.  But in one not-too-terribly long post I'm going to try to sum this up from the beginning.

For those who I have not told yet, I am a brand new staff member of the Navigators.  I will be working as a EDGE Corps staff member at the University of Akron for the next two years and then who knows after that! EDGE Corps (Evangelism, Discipleship, Growth, Experience) is a one-to-two year commitment to work on staff with a Navigator collegiate ministry and train under an experienced college missionary. ( For more info go here: http://www.edgecorps.org/)

God first placed Akron on my heart the fall of my sophomore year.  I honestly don't know what brought it on. I grew right outside of Akron and I always had a heart for the city, so maybe that was it. All I know is that I felt like God wanted to start a Navs at Akron.  I shared this with my campus leader at Kent, but soon forgot about it.

I spent the next couple years in a strange tug-of-war between who I thought I wanted to be and who I knew God wanted me to be. I made a lot of foolish mistakes, but I also continued to get involved with the Navigators leading growth groups, singing with worship team, etc. The summer after my junior year changed everything. The things in life I was trying desperately to hold onto were torn from my hands and I was left with nothing but God. I decided then and there that I would submit to being fully God's...I would do whatever He asked me to do. 

That fall at Navs retreat God put EDGE on my heart. As the video describing what EDGE Corps was played, I knew instantly that this was what I was supposed to do next.  I didn't share this information right away with anyone. To be honest I was a little scared. My passion was (and partly still is) design and illustration. Part of me wanted a "normal" job in a studio somewhere. A bigger part of me did NOT want to fund raise my salary (more on this later).

By EDGE Preview I had already shared with my campus director that I thought I was being called to campus ministry. It wasn't long after that he told me a couple was possibly planning to move to Akron and start a new ministry on the campus there. 

So long story short I applied, I prayed, I freaked out, I got accepted, I freaked out some more, I said yes, and I was placed at Akron. 

After I graduated this past May I flew with 5 other friends joining EDGE at Kent to Colorado Springs for training. The nine days we spent there with eighty something other EDGEers were some of the best days of my life. I met amazing people, I explored the beautiful Glen, and I grew a new confidence in God and His purposes for my life. 

We came back May 31st and the next day started full-time fundraising. I spent 5 days making calls and setting up appointments, took a 5 day hiatus for Bonnaroo, and then went at it again. But, as I said, thoughts on fundraising later.

So that is the short version. And you are always welcome to ask for the long version or details.

P.S. If you read this blog before, you may notice things have changed. All the old posts are in hiding and I am starting fresh with this new chapter of my life. Thanks for reading! I look forward to updating you and I promise most posts will be shorter :)