surprises and encouragement

Today I am thankful for a Lord who delights in me. He knows how to love me like no one else.

I love surprises, big or small.  It doesn't matter if I am given the surprise party of the century, or just an unexpected cup of coffee or letter from a friend, I love them all.

Honestly, it's not hard for God to surprise me. I don't know much of anything and most of my plans fall through. I remember when I was 13 I wrote that 21-year-old me would be a married teacher. Well, I am currently 22, single, and a campus missionary with a degree in graphic design, so that tells you how well I can plan my future.

God has surprised me in so many ways over the course of my 22 years of life, but few things have surprised me as much as who He has been using to help fund this new ministry He has given me. Nonbelievers, people who I've never even met, families with very little money themselves.  I am genuinely amazed at who God uses, how he uses them, and the overall generosity of others.

Today, I was feeling a little discouraged in general. I have been hanging around the same percentage for a few weeks and Fall Semester is starting soon, which means I will have less time to spend on fundraising for a little bit. I got home from work today and had two donations in my account from completely unexpected supporters. I felt God whispering into my heart: "Why are you trying to put limits on what you think is possible? Don't you trust me? Don't you know I love you? Have faith!"

God is using others to show me His love, and I feel joy knowing that my supporters will be blessed for their giving. Fundraising is really such a blessing, even on the hard days. I am thankful for a God who has given me this opportunity to build my faith muscle and grow my trust in Him. And I am thankful for a God who knows how to encourage me through surprising reminders of His love.

Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. - Psalm 63:3

"are we there yet?"

A father and daughter are on a journey; some sort of long, undefined road trip. This road is not like other roads. It swirls, it bends, some parts are smooth while other parts are rocky and bumpy. The father is sure and steady. He maneuvers the tricky turns perfectly. He drives through the rocks as if the ground were completely level. There is no GPS on the dash...he knows exactly where he's going. The little girl starts off excitedly chatting with her father, ready for the long journey ahead, but soon she grows distracted. the scenery excites her. She wonders why they can't just stop where they are. All the towns they pass seem perfectly livable. Her father encourages her to take time during the trip to rest and she find that the trip is much more enjoyable when she follows his direction. The journey continues as such...as series of ups and downs and all the while the father is loving and patient. Some days are better than others. Some days the daughter is lively and really enjoying sharing this trip with her father, other days all she wants to do is lay down and cry. But the whole time she can't help but wonder, "are we there yet?"

So, maybe a little cheesy, but this is the illustration that flooded my mind tonight. If the father is God and the daughter is me, this picture describes my summer almost perfectly. (if not my whole life)

I would probably describe myself as a spontaneous person. I like to go with the flow. I can handle a minor change in the plan...or maybe i just like to think i can. Because now here I am hearing my planner say one thing and God say another, and I would be lying if I said is didn't stress me out a little bit.

August 19th I am to report to campus, meaning I should be 75% funded and ready to get this ministry started and work with students. Let me do some easy math for you: that is 11 days from now. I am not 75% funded. Nor am I close. 

Earlier this evening I was preparing to make phone calls to set up appointments and check back with possible supporters. I had been fine all day, but the time to make calls was drawing closer and I became instantly sick to my stomach at the thought of having to pick up the phone. (Funding calls are hard. I don't know what it is exactly, but I have found calling people to be the hardest part of fundraising.) Before I could catch myself I heard myself pray silently, "Lord, let me stop. I'm worn out. Please don't make me call anyone tonight." 

The rest of the night was tough and I ended up cutting my phone call time short. It was on the drive home that this illustration came to me suddenly. I recall vacations from when I was young. My parents, in the front, excited to take us somewhere wonderful, and us kids in the back whining "are we there yet???" and wishing we could stop at all the places we see along the road, even though we know the end result is so much better. 

And now, I think of my tired heart and how badly it needs rest. In fact, my silent outburst tonight was a desperate cry for it. I am reminded of the danger of making quiet time a duty rather than taking time to really be with God, to dwell in Him and really let Him speak into your heart. Yes, I need more of that.

But, I also just needed a moment to reevaluate and find contentment where I am.

Some of my EDGE brothers and sisters are between 75 and 100% funded and I rejoice with them, but with those who, like me, are not there yet I also rejoice. Because we're just not "there" yet and that's ok. As long as God is in control, we can be sure that He has us where He wants, where our hearts can grow, and where we can bring Him the most glory.

And when I think about that, I am filled with peace.

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and the earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.  From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact place they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him, though he is not far form each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'" - Acts 17:24-28