white as snow

I opened this window up to type out an update on our first two weeks of the semester. That was twenty minutes ago. I have been distracted, staring out my window at this:

The snow left us for a little bit towards the beginning of January, but it's back now in full force. If the roads are still safe to drive on, then we don't have enough snow in my opinion. Not that I wish for unsafe roads, I just like my snow to come in mass quantities.

Snow kind of boggles my mind.  First of all, snowflakes. What is even up with that? They are beautiful, but far too tiny for us to see all the detail without a microscope. I remember being little and catching snowflakes on my mittens just to catch a glimpse of the beauty. But then they would melt...so unique and also so momentary. I mean if you think about it, we can't see the individual flakes at all when it's snowing. They just look like little polka dots falling from the sky...what's the point of all that detail? It's like nature's little secret. Amazing.

But the best thing about snow is how it totally transforms a landscape. Northeast Ohio winters are notoriously gray. If there is no snow on the ground then the mushy brownish-green grass is right out there for everyone to see. Piles of shoveled snow, gray from dirt and pollution linger in parking lots for what feels like ages. People have to wear heavy coats and gloves and boots just because of the sheer coldness. And then it snows and everything changes. What brown grass? What grey slush piles? And boots and gloves suddenly seem to be your partners in interacting with the fluffy white all around you. Extreme cold is totally worth it if it involves snow. And everything gets brighter. The grayness goes away. It's supposed to have something to do with the sun reflecting off the new white covering everything, but I just call it magic.

Unfortunately, there are still those who are not a fan of the snow (and that's ok...i get it), but to me is nothing less than a perfect gift. Very few things feel better than waking up a freshly coated front yard (or parking lot, now)...before it's been plowed or walked in. When we arrived in Colorado this past December, it was so warm that we didn't need our coats and I can't lie, I was a little disappointed. But when we woke up that next morning there was snow everywhere. Glen Eyrie was turned into an instant winter wonderland. That memory will probably always be one of my favorites.

This morning when I was staring out my kitchen window at the snow, this song by Jon Foreman came to mind.

Wash me white as snow and I will be made whole.

Would you create in me, a clean heart O God

Restore in me the joy of Your salvation. 

Psalm 51, "a psalm of penitence." Sorrow for your sins and faults. David wrote this Psalm  after being confronted by the prophet Nathan (2 Samuel 12:1-14). David had just slept with Bathsheba and had her husband, Uriah, killed in battle to cover the sin. I like to think that Psalm 51 came to be sometime around 2 Samuel 12: 20 "Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped." David had already lost his child with Bathsheba as a punishment for the sin and performed the customary rituals for cleansing. He now worshiped his Lord, lamenting the sin and the pain it has caused in his life, Bathsheba's life, and the lives of many others. 

Psalm 51 is one of the best examples of a sinning believer and his "quest" to come back to full communion with God. In verses 1-6 David acknowledges that his sin has caused a separation between himself and God. "Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge." The judgement was painful...the loss of a child...but he acknowledges that God was justified in his actions. 

Verse 7, "Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." Hyssop was a plant that was used as a brush to apply the blood and water of purification. The blood was to take care of the guilt of the sin and the water washed the sinner clean of their defilement. 

In 11 and 12 David is asking that joy be restored to him. I would imagine that the whole experience left David in a pretty depressed state. He knows that only through the presence of God can he find joy again. And with that joy he promises to serve (v 13). And lastly, David offers up his heart in worship. "The sacrifices of god are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." A commentary by Perowne puts it this way, "For the joy of forgiveness does not banish sorrow and contrition for sin: this will still continue. And the deeper the sense of sin, and the truer the sorrow for it, the more heartfelt also will be the thankfulness for pardon and reconciliation. The tender, humble, broken heart, is therefore the best thank offering." 

Psalm 51 is beautiful. A believer filled with the sorrow of his own sin offering his heart back to the God he loves. One thing this is "missing"...Christ. Or is it? "Cleanse me with hyssop..." Blood and water. Ephesians 5:25-26 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." 

Cool.

The best part? It's already been done. I am white as snow. Today. Tomorrow. Always. Forever. Because that's just the kind of guy Jesus is. The kind who says, "Hey, you. Yeah you filled with sorrow. You who messed up...and will mess up again. There is no blemish on you." Through faith in Jesus Christ, his death and resurrection, we are clean.

Double cool. 

And (yeah it gets better) the part where David prayed that God wouldn't take his Holy Spirit from him...yeah that's not really a valid prayer for believers anymore. John 14:16 "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever  - the Spirit of truth." When God says forever, he means forever. God's love is a forever kind of love. The only forever kind of love. He has not left us abandoned, but has sent his Spirit to dwell inside of us...to be an active part of our daily walk with Christ.

Triple cool. 

So, instead of grumbling about how inconvenient the snow has made your day, try using it as a reminder of what Christ did for you on the cross. Let it be a reminder of who you are. "Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God; let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies was with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful" -Hebrews 10:19-23

weekend phone dump

It's true, I have a small photo-taking obsession. Here are nine reasons I got out my phone this week:

1. Awesome W Market St houses. On the way home from a friend's house in Akron this week, I pulled off into a neighborhood and walked along the brick streets taking pictures of homes I wouldn't mind living in. Until I started to feel creepy and got back in my car

2. Molly's  Christmas coupon from her younger brother. It reads: "This coupon gives you one free day with Sam Mckee. He will have to do whatever you want and he can't say no. Unless he has to work."

3. Angel Falls Coffee never fails to look like a movie set. Met a student for dinner at Aladdin's a few buildings down. Seriously hard to pass up the cake.

4. I got to babysit this angel out of the blue. First of all, one year olds are awesome. Second of all, look how much joy is in that little baby. Total blessing getting to hang out with her and her big brother.

5. Sister time and (real) camera time. Bliss.

6. Dat sky. I'm going to be a total hipster here and say "no filter."

7. Mini freak out in the mug section of Target. I may be biased (due to my serious love for mugs) but honestly these were so cute I thought I might pass out. Also, $4.99 seems like such a good deal until you multiply it by 20. Now accepting donations.

8. My family has a new kitten who is legitimately insane. The fact that she likes to be carried around like this is only one of the examples. 

9. Gabe being a sneak at staff meeting. I haven't trusted him since he tried to bite my toe off.

-

Should I be worried that two of these involved cats? Nah. 

sister time.

Today my sixteen year old sister had school off, so I decided to kidnap her and go take some pictures. There is a small Mertropark a few minutes from my parents' house so we went there and walked though the meadows. Even though it is one of the smallest parks in the area, it is one of my favorites. The boardwalk-styled path weaves through grasses tall enough to hide the road. It is a perfect place to go running or to shut the world out for a little while and take a long walk.

Today was cold, but unusually warm for January in Ohio. Even so, we only made it about halfway through the path when our fingers were too frozen to go any further, but it was just nice to be able to spend some time together. Now that Hannah is older, the six years between us don't seem so vast.

I loved the way her blue coat looked against the grey of wintery Ohio.
It reminded me of  the Albert Camus quote, "In the midst of winter,
I found there was within me and invincible summer."

My sister is beautiful both inside and out. She is tall with porcelain skin and princess hair. She is loud and full of life and can find humor in absolutely anything. It was so fun getting to photograph her today even though she has a hard time staying serious in front of a camera :)

Happy Friday everyone!

a break in photos

This was the 18th Christmas break of my life. If I've learned one thing, it's that Christmas break never gets old. While this break wasn't quite as carefree as breaks in the past (no students means more time for fundraising, organizing, etc.), it was still a wonderful time of refreshment for me; a perfect mixture of rest and adventure. 

My favorite way to tell a story is through pictures, so here's a snapshot of moments of joy in the past three weeks:

Colorado; exploring new coffee shops with friends; yearly Donzell's trip with the family; little brothers who get legos for Christmas (and let you play with them); sister time; snow; new friends who feel like family; giant breakfasts; new little ones; good books & fresh perspectives; best friends getting engaged; clean workspaces & handwritten notes; giant hairbows & ringlet curls; people you can share anything with; silly notes; tiny belated gifts. 

And some moments are so full of life you forget to get out your camera. Like witnessing your teammate  and friend marry the love of his life or playing Just Dance with your roommates so much that you start to memorize the routines.

I am so thankful for these three weeks and the rest that I have found in them, but I am also incredibly excited to be back on campus with the students. This semester is brimming with potential, and I cannot wait to see how God grows and stretches each one of them. 

To all my Kent and Akron friends: enjoy your last day of freedom and good luck next semester. Although you don't really need luck if you study... ;)

Peace.

5 passions

The other night I was sharing a wonderful dinner with some of my closest friends. Actually, no, let me tell it right.

My friend, Anthony, decided that for 2013 he wanted to be a man of adventure. This is possibly one of the greatest resolutions ever. Being the supportive friends we are, a group of us (my roommates and another friend) met Anthony downtown for what he thought would be an uneventful Kent dinner.  We pulled up in one of my roommate's red minivan, shouted "Get in the van," and kidnapped him.  We only took him to Olive Garden at Chapel Hill, but for 15 minutes he had no clue what was going on. And he had on red pants. A night of adventure indeed.

So we are sitting around the table at Olive Garden and someone suggests we go around the table and list our 5 passions, a game they had played the night before with our friend Anna. You are not supposed to over think your 5...your passions don't have to be serious. Also no one wins. Being overly competitive, I struggle with games where no one wins, but this one was fun.

I am making this story much longer than it needs to be, because honestly, I am just going to share with you my 5-not-too-serious passions.

1. Scarves, particularly of the infinity persuasion. But if they are not infinity, I will probably just sew the ends together. No big.

2. Finding new music...before everyone else. Kidding about that second part. But not really.

3. Gold glitter. I used to not have a favorite color...but I think I do now. Is glitter a color?

4. Typography, namely Futura, handrawn type, and Jessica Hische.

5. Knitting. I have legitimate knitting goals in my head. It's kind of like a video game...when I complete a challenge confetti falls and I am handed a giant trophy. So basically Mario Kart.

So at least one of those is not what I said the other night, but whatever. I have a lot of passions!

What are 5 simple things that bring you joy and make you you? If you can't think of any, you can borrow some of my others (Beyonce, Assassin's Creed, going out of my way to get a good Instagram) as placeholders until you figure it out.

2013

I have been very bad about posting. Mainly because I didn't know what to post. I felt a tremendous pressure to make every post spiritual and awesome. I wanted to sound like I was constantly learning something profound and was in turn sharing that with the world. And then I went through a few months of what some may call "the desert." The dryness in my heart mixed with how busy i was working multiple jobs turned me into a sort of monster. I was constantly going, but not constantly doing...if that makes sense.

Earlier this month I went to Colorado for my second EDGE Summit. It was primarily a time of training and encouragement with our whole EDGE class to get us ready for our second semester working on our various campuses. The trip put me in a very reflective state, and I realized not only did I know very little about myself, but I had spent the last couple months putting myself in a cage. I couldn't remember the last time I had done something simply because it brought joy to my heart. Even my time in the word was coming out of a deep feeling of obligation. I had nothing in my heart to pour out. I was hurting myself, and I was hurting everyone around me. 

This year has been a rough one. By the time November rolled around, it felt like every plan I made for myself got spoiled or twisted in some way. NOTHING seemed to being going right. I felt like I had no control. And so I gave up. I became lazy. And i did only the things I felt like I had to do. 

Spoiler alert: this benefits no one. 

Long story short, through a series of Spirit led self-relizations and intervention from some honest people in my life I realized things were not good in my heart and in my life and I needed a change. And I'm still in the process of doing that.  

Bob Goff, my hero and author of the book Love Does, tweeted the other day "Everything worth hearing has already been said. All that's left is just to go do stuff." I do not need to impress anyone with my words. Honestly, I probably can't...I'm not that profound. But I can inspire joy in others if I just love them the way I have been loved...unconditionally. After all, Christ's death on the cross is the ultimate example of unconditional love.

I used to think New Year's and resolutions were silly. "You don't need a special day to start over." But now I get it. New Year's is a tangible new beginning. It's a couple days off of work to to really analyze how things are going and what needs to change. I made a list this year. Not necessarily resolutions, just things that have come up during my times with God. I am learning that He really does know how to make me happy the best. I am learning that is is not a bad thing to want to be happy. I am learning that as long as I am not taking time to let the Holy Spirit fill me up, to rest, and to refresh my joy, then I am not going to benefit anyone. I can't love at all unless I let Christ love me. 

So here's my list. (And I write this knowing I will fail at least a couple, if not many times...and that's ok too. God loves me just the same.)

1. Gossip less never. People's lives are not a valid topic of conversation.

2. Take time to rest and make an effort for weekly extended times with God.

3. Write a letter a month. 

4. One drawing a day.

5. Drink more water.

6. Learn how to pray like a child.

7. Read 30 (not work related) books (I did 25 this year.)

8. Be more intentional about sharing Christ.

9. Approach fund-raising with a new obedience and faith.

10. Pursue photography more.

11. Refuse to spend money unnecessarily.

12. Don't let the phone go to voice-mail.

13. Finally knit a sweater.

14. Visit family for fun...not holiday obligation.

15. Meet Beyonce.

So that's my list. What's on yours? I challenge you to pray about what God wants you to focus on this year. 

Happy 2013 everyone!