2013

I have been very bad about posting. Mainly because I didn't know what to post. I felt a tremendous pressure to make every post spiritual and awesome. I wanted to sound like I was constantly learning something profound and was in turn sharing that with the world. And then I went through a few months of what some may call "the desert." The dryness in my heart mixed with how busy i was working multiple jobs turned me into a sort of monster. I was constantly going, but not constantly doing...if that makes sense.

Earlier this month I went to Colorado for my second EDGE Summit. It was primarily a time of training and encouragement with our whole EDGE class to get us ready for our second semester working on our various campuses. The trip put me in a very reflective state, and I realized not only did I know very little about myself, but I had spent the last couple months putting myself in a cage. I couldn't remember the last time I had done something simply because it brought joy to my heart. Even my time in the word was coming out of a deep feeling of obligation. I had nothing in my heart to pour out. I was hurting myself, and I was hurting everyone around me. 

This year has been a rough one. By the time November rolled around, it felt like every plan I made for myself got spoiled or twisted in some way. NOTHING seemed to being going right. I felt like I had no control. And so I gave up. I became lazy. And i did only the things I felt like I had to do. 

Spoiler alert: this benefits no one. 

Long story short, through a series of Spirit led self-relizations and intervention from some honest people in my life I realized things were not good in my heart and in my life and I needed a change. And I'm still in the process of doing that.  

Bob Goff, my hero and author of the book Love Does, tweeted the other day "Everything worth hearing has already been said. All that's left is just to go do stuff." I do not need to impress anyone with my words. Honestly, I probably can't...I'm not that profound. But I can inspire joy in others if I just love them the way I have been loved...unconditionally. After all, Christ's death on the cross is the ultimate example of unconditional love.

I used to think New Year's and resolutions were silly. "You don't need a special day to start over." But now I get it. New Year's is a tangible new beginning. It's a couple days off of work to to really analyze how things are going and what needs to change. I made a list this year. Not necessarily resolutions, just things that have come up during my times with God. I am learning that He really does know how to make me happy the best. I am learning that is is not a bad thing to want to be happy. I am learning that as long as I am not taking time to let the Holy Spirit fill me up, to rest, and to refresh my joy, then I am not going to benefit anyone. I can't love at all unless I let Christ love me. 

So here's my list. (And I write this knowing I will fail at least a couple, if not many times...and that's ok too. God loves me just the same.)

1. Gossip less never. People's lives are not a valid topic of conversation.

2. Take time to rest and make an effort for weekly extended times with God.

3. Write a letter a month. 

4. One drawing a day.

5. Drink more water.

6. Learn how to pray like a child.

7. Read 30 (not work related) books (I did 25 this year.)

8. Be more intentional about sharing Christ.

9. Approach fund-raising with a new obedience and faith.

10. Pursue photography more.

11. Refuse to spend money unnecessarily.

12. Don't let the phone go to voice-mail.

13. Finally knit a sweater.

14. Visit family for fun...not holiday obligation.

15. Meet Beyonce.

So that's my list. What's on yours? I challenge you to pray about what God wants you to focus on this year. 

Happy 2013 everyone!